In Chapter 9, “Superstitions,” Trimble scrutinizes the “literary prudes” who only accept the strict grammatical rules of formal English (83). He refers to these literary prudes as “The One True English Language Sect,” or TOTELS, a term he seems to have invented himself (84). Trimble dislikes TOTELS and the chokehold they have on the English language.

According to Trimble, TOTELS’ main fallacy is that they believe that language is not dynamic, but a static set of guidelines. Being static, language is never allowed to change, adapt, and morph with society. Trimble believes in the opposite. English, he argues, is dynamic and always changing.

There are seven rules that TOTELS promote:

1. Never begin a sentence with and or but.

Trimble’s rebuttal: It’s perfectly fine, and sometimes useful, to begin a sentence with and or but. Professional writers do it all the time.

2. Never use contractions.

Trimble’s rebuttal: Contractions (can’t, won’t, didn’t) lighten the author’s style, so they are acceptable to use every so often. They offer informality.

3. Never refer to the reader as you.

Trimble’s rebuttal: When authors avoid addressing their reader directly (using you), their writing is too formal.

4. Never use the first-person pronoun, I.