“I can’t believe how she managed the microaggressions of families who told her that they couldn’t understand her accent, who spoke loud and slow at her […]. How did she manage to leave it all behind in that office, switching gears to listen to the ramblings of her fifth- and sixth-grade girls with their playground dramas, slights, and victories?” 

As a child, Nezhukumatathil was oblivious to the formidable struggles her immigrant parents faced in America. Reflecting on her parents’ hard work, love, and attentiveness, Nezhukumatathil is all the more appreciative as an adult because she understands what it means to be stereotyped and discounted. Like her parents, Nezhukumatathil learned to compartmentalize racial microaggressions in order to survive.

“I confess, at first I wanted to be back in the air-conditioned hotel room—anywhere but on an isolated gravel path with the odd bullfrog clamor interrupting the dark. But now I think of my sister and I scattered in different homes as adults and am so grateful for all of those family vacations where we could be outdoors together, walking this earth.”

Again, Nezhukumatathil uses her essay to express gratefulness toward her parents for things she didn’t appreciate or understand as a child. Stopping on the roadside to watch a congregation of fireflies isn’t physically comfortable in the moment, but it is one of several crucial occasions when Nezhukumatathil experiences wonder at a young age, shared with her family. Family vacations were rare, and in adulthood, Nezhukumatathil cherishes memories like this and makes sure to share as much time outdoors with her children as she can.

“For years, I pretended I hated the color blue. But what the peacock can do is remind you of a home you will run away from and run back to all your life.” 

The deep blue feathers of the peacock represent Nezhukumatathil’s vibrant personality and her Indian heritage. Because she wants to fit in at predominantly white schools, she tells herself that she hates color, peacocks, and India. She gradually unlearns this repression and embraces her identity. This book is a chronicle and celebration of Nezhukumatathil’s love of color and the natural world.