Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of rape, child abuse, physical abuse, death, and cursing.

“Most of the popular kids are total douchebags. Case in point—Garrett Graham, the other star athlete in this class. Dude walks around like he owns the place. I guess he kind of does. All he has to do is snap his fingers and an eager girl appears at his side. Or jumps into his lap. Or sticks her tongue down his throat.”

With Hannah’s contemptuous tone in this passage, Kennedy immediately introduces the animosity between the two protagonists, setting up the story’s focus on the “opposites-attract” romance trope. Although Hannah’s initial impression of Garrett is less than flattering, her description in this scene sets a baseline, and Garrett soon proves himself to be much more compassionate and considerate than this stereotypical portrayal of him would suggest.

“I was raped at a party. God, I hate that word. Rape. It’s one of the few words in the English language that has a visceral effect when you hear it. Like a bone-jarring slap to the face or the chill of ice water being dumped over your head. It’s ugly and demoralizing, and I try so hard not to let it control my life. […] I know it wasn’t my fault. I know I didn’t ask for it or do something to invite it. […] Years of therapy helped me see that the burden of blame lies solely on him. There was something wrong with him. Not me. Never me. And the most important lesson I learned is that I’m not a victim—I’m a survivor.”

In this long, passionate diatribe, Hannah reveals the full intensity of her ongoing ruminations about her traumatic experience with sexual assault, and her tone is designed to exude a sense of both raw pain and determined empowerment. While she must still deal with the lingering impacts of her trauma, her steadfast assertion that she is a “survivor” rather than a “victim” hints at her imminent journey toward reclaiming her agency and regaining control over her romantic life.

“And there’s a reason I don’t go to many parties. I guess it’s my version of PTSD. A sound or a smell or a glimpse of something harmless makes the memories spiral to the surface. I hear music blaring and loud chatter and raucous laughter. I smell stale beer and sweat. I’m in a crowd of people. And suddenly I’m fifteen years old again and right back at Melissa Mayer’s party, trapped in my own personal nightmare.”

The visceral descriptions that Hannah provides in this passage demonstrate the enduring effects of trauma, as seemingly benign triggers send her right back to the traumatic event. This passage highlights the ongoing battle with trauma and suggests that recovery is not linear, especially when seemingly ordinary experiences can suddenly become overwhelming reminders of past pain.