One of the major themes of “Hate Poem” is the complex nature of a long-term relationship after the honeymoon period has ended. After the blind love of early romance has been replaced by the day-to-day reality of living in physical and emotional intimacy with another human being, the speaker notices all the little minutia of daily interaction and domestic predictability—much of which secretly drives her up the wall. The couple depicted in the poem has likely been together for months, if not years. Confirming this are details like “The history of this keychain” (Line 9), word choice that implies a long-enough relationship to merit having a “history” of significant shared moments. Their life together has settled into routines like going for a drive (Line 15), exchanging pleasant “good mornings” (Line 16), and developing familiar habits like sleepily nuzzling her head under his arm (Line 17). The few annoying habits of her partner that the speaker describes are mundane and only obvious to someone who spends a lot of time with another person: picking out cashews (Line 10) or arguing over whether a window should be closed or open (Line 13).

“Hate Poem” takes on the paradox that just as a long-term relationship can deepen love, it necessarily also reveals the other’s flaws—so much so that the intensity of love can transform periodically into feelings of hatred.