Content Warning: This section contains descriptions of self-harm and war-related violence.

The biggest obstacle in the lives of the characters in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is their fear of death and loss and their subsequent fear of living. Each of them struggles to move into the future while holding on to the past. During the time he spends on his mission, Oskar must confront his fears along with difficult emotions like grief, confusion, and anger. When these emotions rise up, Oskar bruises himself or stares at the photos of an unidentified person falling from one of the towers, wondering how his father died. His mother tries to protect him from her grief, and as a result he feels angry at her, believing that she is moving on too easily. Because of this belief, Oskar also won’t allow himself to move on, instead thinking that the people of New York should devote themselves to their sadness.

When Oskar’s grandfather returns after 40 years, Oskar’s grandmother must confront those parts of herself which she had let lie dormant.

After his father died, Oskar wrestled with his atheistic beliefs, as he was uncomfortable with the thought that his father was simply gone forever.